So the phone rings. Oops! It was on silent and the call was missed. Well, it's not a perfect world and so sorry that your shallow excuse for a phone call cannot be entertained. The rest of the world has a life to get on with.
Just because you forgot what size of g-string that would not chafe your cellulite challenged butt, then you drop us mere mortals a line? Or to find if that chicken-neck exposing plunging dress is available in any other colour than the puke vomit green print of some leprechaun nightmare? Hello, who picked up your sorry ass when your husband decided to have a woo-woo-ha-ha orgy with the umpteenth teenage jailbait slut that caught his fancy?
HELLO!!! We are not interested!
So when you receive a call from some "friend" that somehow remembered you because their spouse has flown back to some god-forsaken sorry arsed town in somewhere not remotely interesting or that "pal" who suddenly dialed your number because husband #561 has gone back to the lap of his dragon wife; let the call go unanswered.
Don't answer their text either. It's not being bitter or bitchy: it's you standing up for yourself to that poor excuse of a pathetic human being who had ingratiated themselves to your life and subsequently relegated you to some distant galaxy when they have something else to occupy their mouth, tongue and hands.
Unless you have suddenly found yourself marooned on some desert island and being repeatedly raped by a 600-pound native while simultaneously being force fed faeces enriched marijuana broth and making shadow animals with your hands, WE ARE NOT INTERESTED!
Tell them to get themselves a shrink. This shop is closed for refurbishment. No one by the title of "friend-in-need" is welcomed when we reopen. So when they quote that to you, tell them: "Some friends in need are full of shit". And if they try to pawn off some freebie vacuum cleaner, you know where to tell them to stick it up to. Or just don't bother and save some sms money...
Just because you forgot what size of g-string that would not chafe your cellulite challenged butt, then you drop us mere mortals a line? Or to find if that chicken-neck exposing plunging dress is available in any other colour than the puke vomit green print of some leprechaun nightmare? Hello, who picked up your sorry ass when your husband decided to have a woo-woo-ha-ha orgy with the umpteenth teenage jailbait slut that caught his fancy?
HELLO!!! We are not interested!
So when you receive a call from some "friend" that somehow remembered you because their spouse has flown back to some god-forsaken sorry arsed town in somewhere not remotely interesting or that "pal" who suddenly dialed your number because husband #561 has gone back to the lap of his dragon wife; let the call go unanswered.
Don't answer their text either. It's not being bitter or bitchy: it's you standing up for yourself to that poor excuse of a pathetic human being who had ingratiated themselves to your life and subsequently relegated you to some distant galaxy when they have something else to occupy their mouth, tongue and hands.
Unless you have suddenly found yourself marooned on some desert island and being repeatedly raped by a 600-pound native while simultaneously being force fed faeces enriched marijuana broth and making shadow animals with your hands, WE ARE NOT INTERESTED!
Tell them to get themselves a shrink. This shop is closed for refurbishment. No one by the title of "friend-in-need" is welcomed when we reopen. So when they quote that to you, tell them: "Some friends in need are full of shit". And if they try to pawn off some freebie vacuum cleaner, you know where to tell them to stick it up to. Or just don't bother and save some sms money...
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